Am I OK? Everyday wellbeing strategies with Emily Toner

Create moments that matter at work.

In our busy worlds, taking a moment to check in with ourselves and with others can make all the difference. On this RUOK Day, we sit down with Emily Toner, Clinical Psychologist, mindfulness teacher and speaker. She shares how living with more self-compassion and self-awareness can help equip us to look after ourselves and each other.

Emily, you've studied behavioural neuroscience and positive psychology – the science of living your best possible life. What attracted you to learning more about the mind?

I've always been excited by the things we can't fully comprehend. If you're a practising psychologist or an everyday human, you never get to the point of fully understanding what is happening inside your mind. It's a never-ending joy of discovery. 

Your clinical work focuses on our inner wellbeing as a key to happiness and success in our outer world. Could you share what that looks like?

Taking care of ourselves allows us to be present and available to others. 

Imagine that your tank is either empty or full. When it’s empty, you will likely feel irritable, contractive, or defensive. On the other hand, when your cup is full, your view of the world will be expansive – a term I love to use.

Expansionists engage in activities they love, are fun to be around and prioritise their health and wellbeing. As a result, they have a lot of time and energy for other people, too.

What is self-awareness? Why is it important to our mental wellbeing?

We have thousands of complex thoughts each day that shape how we see the world. Self-awareness is the ability to untangle ourselves from our thoughts and observe our internal world objectively.  

For example, when we feel angry, we may be more inclined to notice injustice everywhere. Conversely, if we feel a deep sense of gratitude, we might be more inclined to pay attention to kindness. Our inner world reflects the story we create.  

Is self-care more than a buzzword? How does it truly impact our future wellbeing?

I prefer to use the word self-compassion. Self-compassion is one of the most powerful ways to create a sense of inner safety. Self-compassion helps us balance our inner critic and build a healthy relationship with ourselves and others. 

How does being more mindful equip us to be more present for our friends, family and colleagues?

Meditation or mindfulness can help us process our emotions and rebalance our nervous system. 

When we are unbalanced, we may feel stressed, anxious, defensive or judgemental—all the things we don't want to be. The more we practice meditation, the more balanced and empathetic we become. 

Life is busy! How can we integrate mindfulness techniques into our workday? 

It's important to know that mindfulness doesn't need to be a grand gesture of sitting to meditate for 20 minutes. Small, consistent actions can have a big impact in the long term. 

Try pausing for three seconds while you have your first sip of tea, or take a deep breath and observe the environment around you.

RUOK Day reminds us of the importance of checking in on others. How can we make this thoughtful habit part of our everyday interactions?

Start working on being calm and present (as much as possible!). People are more open when they feel safe around you. Another critical step is vulnerability. Share when you’re not OK, too. This two-way relationship helps model what we want others to do.

A simple way to bring this practice to life in the workplace is by having everyday real-life conversations. Getting to know each other on a personal level will help build connection and trust.

Could you share a wellbeing practice that can positively influence how we feel throughout the day?

The best protective practice for wellbeing is living a joyful and happy life. Give yourself permission to do the things you love. It could be tapping into your creative side or following a quirky passion.

It doesn't need to be meditating or running; it can be whatever sparks joy and expands you.

Last words

The connection between our inner and outer world is integral to our wellbeing. Change begins within. When you work on yourself, you can change your world.